Ugh…

Every time I hear one of my mentors say that they "don't drink" I feel...Ugh.

There are lots of real feelings in that ugh, but ugh is definitely the first thing that comes up

I'm like, "Not again! Why can't I find a mentor who drinks most nights AND is super successful and inspiring?!?!".

I want to find the person who can (honestly) have both.

Who can go out with her partner multiple times a week, drink 4 glasses of wine, sleep soundly, wake up fresh faced and slay her days and life.

I want to find her so I can replicate her ways.

Unfortunately the evidence doesn't support this wish.

Brene Brown, Glennon Doyle, Susan Hyatt, Liz Gilbert, Heather Simpson and Jenna Kutcher are just a few examples of woman I look up to who are alcohol free - or pretty fucking close to it.

Ugh

So the REAL feelings...

Annoyed - It's always rubbed me the wrong way. This whole not being able to "have my cake and eat it too".

Fearful - When I see these women I fear for my future self. Who will I be with out wine? Will I lose friends? Will I be no fun?

Avoidant- I don't think this is so much a feeling, more a response...or a tendency. When I hear that these phenomenal women are AF I turn away. I don't really want to know. Because once we know something we can't unknow it.

Jealous- I want their lives...I take that back. I adore my life...I just crave more. I crave PARTS of their lives and I'm jealous that they are AF. Because I know this aids in them having what I want.

Ugh

I was talking to my therapist about this the other day. He's a rock 'n roll guy, old school grunge skateboarder type.

He reflected, "If I think of all the great rockers. The ones who've been around for decades, I can't think of one who didn't quit or massively cut out booze".

And the crazy part...I didn't feel the "Ugh" this time.

I felt other feelings like...hope, excitement and the realization that I'm in good company.

It's more like a "Hmm" or "Huh" now.

Positive, expansive, alive.

XO,

Mari